(no subject)

Pepebehi found Xie tucked away in her study, a stack of books teetering precariously on the edge of her desk while she flipped through the pages of an aged tome. She barely looked up from her studies as he entered, but her face painted a clear enough picture for him to know she'd been at this nonstop since she'd sequestered herself away three days prior. None of them had taken Six' condition well, but Xieathe seemed particularly driven to find a way to cure him of the Light. He wondered if it was in part penance for her friendship with Emet-Selch, though he doubted the other Lalafell would ever tell him. She told him so little, nowadays.

"You need to rest."

It was blunt but gentle, and she of course ignored him entirely. Pepebehi sighed. He wouldn't love her as much as he did if she wasn't as stubborn as a dodo, but it did come with some obvious downsides. He pulled up a chair opposite her and sat, fingers steepled beneath his nose. She didn't look up, flipping to the next page in her tome as if she'd never been interrupted. Aetherology, An Abridged History. Pepebehi glanced at the stack beside her. A History of Sin Eaters. Compendium on Light-afflicted Fauna. Keeping the Balance: Understanding the Astral and Umbral. She even had Moran's picture book on the Oracle of Light. Anything and everything she could get her hands on, and not one of them with the answer she - they - needed.

Six was dying, but she was killing herself trying to save him.

"Ever the voracious reader, I see," the one-time white mage drawled in a thin attempt to break the tension. Xieathe made a noncommittal noise that Pepebehi couldn't quite ascertain, but he powered past it. "By the looks of it, you've read all Moran has to offer and then some. Surely you've reached a stopping point by now."

Xieathe paused a moment, eyes still glued firmly to her tome. "Not quite," she said after a moment, and the raspiness of her voice only cemented Pepebehi's concerns. She had a bad habit of ignoring food and drink when she got into these study binges, and considering the lack of dirty dishes, he was fairly certain she'd never bothered taking the food he'd brought her. "Give me another day or two."

"Stole some from Altan as well, I suppose?"

The faintest hint of a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, but still she wouldn't look up. "And Sigr."

"A woman after my own heart," Pepebehi smirked. "Why not pick one and I shall read it to you before bed. My bedside manner is something of renown, I've been told."

Xieath smirked. "You would need to get me in bed first."

Pepebehi chuckled, enjoying the moment while it lasted. It felt like forever since they'd had any time alone together, let alone joked with one another. Everything had moved so fast after Ghimlyt, after Ostrie. The ring he'd offered her back in Ishgard weighed heavily in his pocket and he unconsciously twisted it between his fingers. She'd told him no because he couldn't understand her pain, couldn't grasp the weight of her loss or how she perceived it as a personal failure. She was a healer who couldn't save her best friend. The circumstances didn't matter. The reality of their situation didn't factor into her guilt. Pepebehi looked across the desk at her, and despite the summoner job stone tied to her throat and her own white mage one firmly affixed to his cuff, he could feel that same weight bearing down on her again. G'raha was gone and Six lay unconscious a couple rooms over, Altan and the others fighting desperately to keep him from succumbing to the Light, and all she could do was sit here and read through the same books others had scoured over for decades in search of the same elusive answer none of them had been able to find.

Xie flipped to the next page only to have Pepebehi reach over and close the book on her entirely. Finally, finally, she looked up at him, anger and confusion rippling through her features. Any hint of the playfulness she'd shown moments before was gone. "What are you-"

"You have to stop." Pepebehi leaned forward, affixing her gaze with his. She was so pale, the light that usually shown behind her eyes all but snuffed out. "It's not your fault."

"Don't." Her voice was unfathomably cold.

Pepebehi remained resolute. "Six knew the risks and accepted them willingly. Even had he not, there's nothing you could have done to stave off the outcome." She opened her mouth to protest but he ignored her. "You are a skilled healer but you are not a god, Xieathe. You cannot save everyone."

Her back stiffened as she stared at him, wide eyed. For a brief moment it looked like she might lash out at him, but then she simply slid off her chair and began to storm out of the room. Pepebehi rushed after her, grabbing her wrist before she reached the door. "Let me go!"

"Never."

This time she did lash out, turning on her heel to pound a tiny fist against his chest. He didn't flinch. "After everything, after all of this, still you don't understand!" she cried. "What good has the Echo been all this time? What Blessing? What has it all been for if this is how it always ends?!" She hit him again, weaker with every blow, and he slowly gathered her in his arms and sank to the ground when her shoulders began to shake. "They're gone... they're all gone because I couldn't- because I wasn't strong enough...! I couldn't protect any of them! I couldn't save any of them!" Her voice broke and she buried her face in his shoulder. "I can't do it again! I can't lose someone else!"

Pepebehi pressed his lips to her hair, rubbing her back soothingly as she sobbed. "Nor will you," he murmured. "We will find a way to make this right. But it's not on your shoulders alone to find the answer." He tilted her face toward his and gently brushed away her tears. "You will save no one if you do not take care of yourself."

A fresh round of tears welled up in her eyes. "She would have said the same."

"I know." Pepebehi chuckled. "She was always the wisest amongst us. You'd do well to take her advice."

Xieathe pressed her face to his chest and nodded, her tears staining his tunic. He rocked her back and forth. Eventually she shifted, pushing away from him and slowly getting to her feet. She looked exhausted, the weight of the world all but crushing her. Still, she managed the faintest of smiles as she scrubbed at her face. "Let me gather my things. I think ... I think perhaps I shall take you up on that offer of bedside reading."

Pepebehi flashed her his best grin. "Whatever my lady desires." It wasn't enough to heal the rift between them, but it was a start. With this and with Six, he would see it through to the end, doing what he could one step at a time.